Our shadow, by its very nature, is out of our sight. Either it is completely unconscious or it is right out on the periphery of our consciousness. The shadow consists of parts of us we have hidden away and are trying hard not to see. One way of thinking of this is to imagine that we have a bag which we drag along behind us, and in this bag we have hidden away all the parts of ourselves that we don’t want to show to the world – the parts we have cut off, repressed or denied. This bag forms our shadow. We can’t see it, and we hope against hope that others can’t see it either. Continue Reading
Why is Donald Trump so popular when so many people find his attitudes abominable? What is his secret appeal? Are we all drawn to him in some way but too ashamed to admit it?? What are the hidden forces at work here that allow someone who is abhorrent to so many people get so frighteningly close to power? Continue Reading
This article provides an opportunity for you to reflect on your leadership.
Whatever kind of leadership role you hold, from organisational roles to parental roles to the challenges of leading yourself through life, this article will offer a framework through which to explore your leadership style. Continue Reading
Yes, that’s the key word,
the most awful word in the
English tongue. Murder doesn’t
hold a candle to it and hell is
only a poor synonym.
There are as many different experiences of boarding school as there are ex-boarders, and experiences will vary enormously depending on the nature of the school, the family the child comes from, the child’s personality and the age at which they started boarding school. Continue Reading
London, 1992. I found myself alone, with a young baby, in a big city I didn’t know, teaching science in a tough Comprehensive. Life was hard, I was out of my depth and lonely. I needed help. The doctor suggested a counsellor. She cost £30 an hour. A bottle of wine at the time was about £7. Being on a very tight budget it didn’t take me long to decide that alcohol was going to be the best way to get some regular respite from my overwhelm and exhaustion… I could afford to have a glass of wine 7 nights a week rather than support for 1 hour a week. Also, my counsellor didn’t quite seem to be giving me the kind of support I needed, although I couldn’t work out what was missing… Continue Reading
When we talk about the shadow we are usually referring to parts of ourselves that have been cut off, repressed, or denied. These shadow parts can influence us in difficult and confusing ways because they are so deeply hidden and out of our awareness. There are many different experiences that can cause us to put aspects of ourselves away in to shadow. Perhaps one of the most extreme and dramatic is when we experience trauma. Continue Reading
This is the last in a series of five posts about communication. When I teach communication I use the 5 Fields authentic communication framework which requires 5 different aspects to be communicated. These are:
Facts What actually happened
Fears and Fantasies What we imagine or believe about what happened
Feelings How we feel about what happened
Fortress What is not ok for us. Where we need to protect ourselves
Forward From Here What we want from the other person in the future Continue Reading
In the previous 3 communication blogs we have explored communication of the facts, our fears and fantasies, our feelings and how to move forward from here. Here we complete the picture by exploring the value of expressing our boundary. We call this section our fortress. This is where we protect and defend ourselves from experiences that cause us pain or difficulty. Continue Reading
In the last blog we explore the first two parts of the 5 Fields Authentic Communication framework – ‘Facts’ and ‘Fears and Fantasies’. You may want to take a look at this before you read on…
In this blog we are going to explore sections 3 and 5 of the model: ‘Feelings’ and ‘Forward From Here’.
In order to communicate fully with another person it is important that we are able to express what is going on for us honestly. However, this can often lead to an ‘argument’, with our thoughts and feelings being denied by the other as they respond with pain and a desire to justify or excuse themselves. Continue Reading